As part of my new years resolutions I decided that I need to appreciate people that are in my life and have a valuable contribution more often. With this in mind I think it's important to expand on it by saying "sayonara" to those who don't appreciate me and be cautious of them in the future.
Relating to the previous post about coping mechanisms I need to learn how to change my attitudes about both groups of people.
I need to learn to tell people I appreciate them because I know what it is like to not be appreciated. But also need to express my feelings diplomatically when someone upsets me and learn how to appropriately deal with issues that arise from people's attitudes towards me. If any of that made sense haha!
So what I want to do is be able to apply something I saw on tumblr once "Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true? Does it improve on the silence?" - Sai Baba
(Pictured above, accessed from Wikipedia)
Actually this blog expands on this thought and I think that it is very insightful! (http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-7086/5-questions-to-ask-yourself-before-you-say-anything.html)
I have the tendency to rant about something if someone really urks me or has done something to hurt me.
I think a good way to deal with this might be to spend an hour alone for a while (should the situation allow) do a little bit of meditation and/or yoga then try and deal with the emotions myself then if someone asks me about it apply the questions in which Sai Baba stated. This is how I plan to carry out my new years resolutions
The past two weeks have been stressful but have resulted in good outcomes.
The funeral went well for my nanny, some family things were resolved, my uncle came home from south africa whom I haven't seen since 9 years ago. We've spent more time as a family.
I've found out (the hard way) who my true friends really are and have found out a lot about myself.
I need to find a new coping mechanism for stress, but not sure where to start. I was doing yoga every day to try and cope with stress, I found it to be really beneficial (even though I'm only a beginner) not only had I become slightly more flexible but I felt more awake and energized and slightly more calm when I deal with the daily stresses. However when nanny passed away and a lot of things happened with some people I know I found those things were too big to deal with through just yoga alone. Mostly because it was hard to fit in yoga really, so I must find another coping mechanism alongside yoga. I might start looking into meditation again. There is this amazing website called audioharma.org (which I haven't visited in a long time) they have a good lot of stuff on how to deal with emotions and stresses and other things on spiritual awareness etc.
I also want to read my Bible more as I find comfort from that at times and it helps to build my cultural and historical knowledge as well as growing spiritually too. I intend to keep the yoga up in my life too as I do enjoy it.
In other news, I got a hair cut last night. I've begone with the hairstyle I've pulled off for nearly 3 years now and went for a slight change. Kyle, my boyfriend is disappointed as it is a bit shorter and he likes long hair. To be honest it is not much different in length but he keeps pulling my hair in the hope that it will grow lol!!
These are some raw feelings so bare with me.
I would never have picked this up before doing my nursing, or maturing a bit.
It is currently 06:43 where I am and around 50 minutes ago our house phone rings. I am normally a deep sleeper but this woke me up. My first two thoughts were 1) It's either an international call from a sales man or 2) someone has died.
I have two relatives who are very unwell at the minute, my nanny and one of my dad's aunts. My nanny in all honesty I expected she was to pass away last June as she was extremely unwell. But she has peaked and dipped in a pattern. She was in hospital recently and was bed bound. I thought to myself that this was the beginning of the end for her. My dad's aunt has been diagnosed with cancer and her prospects are not looking good right now as far as I am aware, her situation is awful and I feel nothing but love and compassion for the poor lady. As I lay in bed I heard my mum get up and go to the bathroom, this is normal for her as anything that wakes her the first thing she does is go to the bathroom. Then I heard my dad getting dressed and I knew that someone was either dying or had passed away during the night. I knew instantly it was my nanny.
This weekend we were supposed to go away for a little break as a family, then these men came and asked if they could clean our house. Mum and Dad decided to stay just encase to see them finish the job, they went to visit my nanny.
I feel that God really knew what He was doing and was preparing us in a way for nanny's death. We were just not meant to go on our little break. In a way I have found peace with my nanny's death as I have been expecting it. I am also well cultured with death given my last placement saw a lot of palliative patients die and actively die. I will miss her, but am more concerned for my family and their well being, and what is going to happen.
Also I have a drug calculation test tomorrow and am unsure what to do about it. Will some how have to get in touch with university despite it being a Sunday, I don't think it would be appropriate to do a test with everything being so fresh and there being so much to do.
As selfish as this will sound, it's just typical when I start back to university. That things be thrown off kilter. Not that it happens regularly but just the fact that it is juts when I am organised and something happens (could be small like getting a vomit and diarrhea bug in first year of nursing school on the first week of term, I don't hold nothing back here haha no pun intended)
I am at peace with death and that is fine. It is more the implications that I am worried about.
I should probably get some rest, but I suppose I won't be able to turn over now.
I imagine at this stage in the game I am my only fan lol!
So a little about me, I like GTA V, maybe more than I should like it and it is taking up a lot of time sometimes.
I am dyslexic in my final stages of studying nursing.
Trying to find a way to cope with juggling so much, living with house mates, managing money, studying and some how to find time to socialise (which I don't want to do too often as sometimes people annoy me).
I can be socially inept from time to time, sometimes enjoying a good book whenever I can as opposed to people. But I am fine with that.
I like to draw and doodle whenever I can.
I start back to university on Monday after Christmas break, starting the term off with a drug calculation test. I have been doing well so far with my maths (it has always been a REALLY weak spot for me) then tonight I end up struggling, forgetting how to multiply 7 and 4 lol! So I think that is a sign to call it a night and start again tomorrow.
I really lose my patience with myself when it comes to maths as it is not something I can understand by reading about it, where as with science, more specifically biology I can understand a process or series or happenings by looking at videos and images as opposed to working with numbers. But hey this is just one more hurdle for me to pass before I become a qualified nurse. That's another thing, I found out yesterday where my management placement is. Everyone in my year were obsessing over "ohh where will my placement be? I hope it is good, I reallllllly want to know where it is". Where as me, I wasn't fussed when I found out to be honest, to me it doesn't make a difference where it is I just want to have a nice mentor and a good team of nurses who are gonna push me and help me to finalise my nursing skills so I can pass my management exam and become a qualified nurse. But that thought really scared me. I've always had this bad habit that whenever I am scared or something seriously panics me I feel sick like I could sleep/pass out/vomit. I was really bad as a kid. I remember in p1 we had these trays with little cubes in them to practice how to count, each section had a number in them and you had to put the right amount of cubes in each tray so if one section said 7 you put 7 cubes in it. Every time those trays were brought out I made myself sick with panic. Now THAT is pathetic. Now it is normally it is with something fairly serious like if I see someone become violent, or if something serious has just happened. (In nursing I can keep this feeling under wraps like if someone has a cardiac arrest or something). I got this sick feeling when I thought about becoming a registered nurse :(
Will have to come to peace with this thought, as scary as it is somehow.
I am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :)