I am really happy in my married life and so is Kyle.
We've got some really awesome habits going at the moment. I do yoga about 4 times a week. Pole twice a week and gym three times a week with Kyle. We meditate every day and we love each others company, but we also give each other space when we need it.
It's only been 2 and a half months so it's still quite new. It hasn't always been easy and there have been a couple of difficult times but we are handling things the best way we know how. Together.
But there have also been some awesome things happen that I didn't expect to happen at all.
That's something I have realised. Is that I'm generally happy with life. There are some difficult things that we have to face every so often. But generally life is good. I'm really enjoying not having to do long distance any more.
Every so often Kyle will make a joke about "What time is your flight home?" and I will instantly feel that dreaded feeling of sadness where I know that I'll be going back to NI and not know when I'll see him again. Then I'll remember that we don't do long distance any more and I'm here to stay. Which makes me feel good. It's such a relief to not have to travel any more to see each other. But sometimes I live on edge slightly thinking "is it gonna happen again?" because Kyle and I went through separate periods of "long distance relationshipping"
Realistically though, we live together now so that isn't going to happen. If he moves for work I am going with him.
We have our hopes for the future and are excited about what's to come but really enjoying this stage we are at right now. :)
So what have we been up to.
Well, there was Christmas, we came back to NI to visit family, which was exhausting because we had so many people to visit and relatively limited use of the car.
We went back to England for New Years, where we ordered a Chinese, and had a bottle of wine. We just cuddled on the sofa and had a great time just chilling and seeing in the new year on the sofa laughing at Justin Beiber music videos and cracking up at teddy bear auction TV shows.
We have made a couple of friends so went to a party for their birthday and I've got my start date for my new job (only a few more days of no income!!! Can't wait to get paid)
We've been going to the gym, I've been going to pole and really enjoying it. (Update to follow) We're trying to get fit and have set goals to do this.
There's just so much to look forward to. Sometimes I catch myself feeling down because of different reasons, the income thing being a really big one for me as I'm so used to just paying my own way in life. But then I remember the bigger picture of how much I have to enjoy, how much there is to look forward to and although there are going to be difficult times. Generally things are amazing right now :)
I don't claim to know the whose who of politics, I don't claim to understand all the policies and legislation that they make or understand all the political mumbo jumbo jargain that they rattle off with in any government. I don't even claim to have solutions to all the worlds problems.
What I do know is that people love to be divided by "us" and "them".
Sounds unrelated, but hear me out.
People love to be divided by politics, be it "Labour" and "Conservatives", "Republicans" and "Democrats" etc.
I have noticed a lot of my friends on facebook who are NHS employees sharing posts about how this winter has been critical and gets worse every winter. Not enough staff or resources. I have shared some myself, purely to make my non NHS friends aware of the dire situation that we are facing and to avoid going to A&E for things that can be sorted by a GP, pharmacist or local minor injuries unit. (A.K.A to chose well)
A lot of these videos that I'm seeing shared about social media at the moment are backed by Labour government in the UK or by certain political parties.
My thoughts are that there is no such thing as a political party that will adhere to all your individual moral values and ethics.
Each party has their own agenda and will do whatever it takes in order to get voted in to Parliament.
Although I've shared such videos it's purely from a "look at the mess we are in, this needs to be fixed" stance. I don't care who fixes it politically, I just care that it's fixed.
I saw this quote one time on Pinterest that I'll share below
People love to debate about different political parties stances on various issues and how this party is better because they are doing this, that and the other. And someone else will come back with "Well I think this party is better because they do xyz"
They're all part of the same system. (Not going to go all conspiracy theory here, just being realistic)
All politicians are paid to make the other side look bad, all politicians are paid to try and get the people to vote for them to be in power. Most of the time politicians are liars (not all of them, cause I'm sure there is a small number of genuine people who want to make a difference in the world) and will say what they need to, in order to get in power.
I don't have a solution at hand for anyone. I just have a different perspective. That all political parties belong to the same thing. The world needs a certain amount of conservatism in the same way it needs a certain amount of liberalism.
It's about balance in the world.
So it's definitely something to remember the next time someone kicks off about what he said she said political nonsense is going on at the time and starts a row in the staff room.
Yesterday I had a pretty down day. I honestly have no idea as to why. I just felt pretty "meh"
I had stuff I wanted to do and I got some of it done. I felt super tired when I woke up. (I wouldn't be the best morning person anyways to begin with) So Kyle gave me a caffeine tablet to try and perk me up a bit. Which to a certain extent helped. But after the gym I crashed and was like "ehhh nahhh I don't wanna move today".
I went to the gym, I worked pretty hard but it exhausted me. So I did some light tidying. Hoovered the rest of the bloody pines from the stupid Christmas tree we bought off the floor (it's literally everywhere and won't lift)
I practiced my forearm stands. I loaded the dishwasher and threw a load of washing into the washing machine. Then I collapsed in a heap on the sofa and binge watched Brooklyn 99 on Netflix. (My favourite show, especially when I'm feeling meh)
I felt initial guilt because I didn't get everything done that I wanted to get done. There were even points when I was sitting on the sofa, thinking "I could be doing xyz right now" But then I realised that I wasn't physically ready to move today. I was drained emotionally too and I don't know why. I meditated for 22 mins to try and help me become more ok with me and how I'm feeling. (Brace yourself this might get confusing) It's ok to not be ok with where you're at. If you can't forgive yourself, or if you're frustrated because you feel a certain way and you don't want to. That's ok, be accepting of where you're at. Even if that means being accepting of the fact that you're not ok with not being ok. Does that make sense? Haha!
I have the tendancy to want to be able to find out the reason behind feeling a certain way, correcting it and then moving on with my life and doing the rest of the things on my to do list. But as much as I searched I couldn't find any particular reason that I was feeling sad.
Sometimes it's blatantly obvious why we feel sad, sometimes we can continue to feel sad because we can't quite see past it just yet. Sometimes we can see the reason and fix it and move on. And sometimes we just can't figure out why we are feeling a certain way.
All of those things are ok. You're allowed to have off days. No matter how much self care you do. No matter how much yoga or meditation you do. No matter how mindful you try to be or how mindful people perceive you to be. Just because your mindful and whatever, doesn't mean you are superhuman. You're human, you have off days, you have days where everyone and everything pisses you off, with or without reason.
Allow yourself permission to feel negative feelings, sometimes they just need to be let free :)
If you're new to yoga or are thinking about taking it up but are intimidated by the thought of going to a class. (Like I was) Then keep reading this post.
I thought I would compile a list of my favourite Youtube Yoga Instructors that I think are really easy to listen to, don't show off how bendy they are leaving you feeling bewildered and frustrated that you can't do the pose, and instead show you modifications that you can do in order to get the most out of each posture to get to the bendy wendy stage. :D
I have been watching Sarah Beth on Youtube for a long time. In fact pretty much since I found out about yoga about 6 or 7 years ago. (I've been dabbling in yoga for 6 or 7 years, and practicing regularly for the last 2 years)
She has a lot of variations for difficult poses that you can adopt if you are struggling which I think is fantastic! She explains everything very plainly and doesn't over complicate things which I think is fantastic.
I originally followed PoleAsana (her name is Kimmy and she is so genuinely lovely) for as the name suggests, her amazing pole tricks and tutorials. She is also a yoga instructor and has recently started an instagram challenge called #IBendSoIDontBreak working on flexibility and in this particular video, the splits.
She has a few videos and will have more as the month goes on about how to improve your posture in each pose and more videos on each flow she does. Definitely go check her out even if you are a beginner because she does walk you through each pose and how to do it. She also mentions about variations you can do until you are able to carry out the full pose.
I have to admit that I am not a regular viewer of Adrienne however I will watch her videos and do yoga with her from time to time. She is extremely easy to listen to. She is very understanding of those who are new to yoga and doesn't beat around the bush with frilly language in how to get into the posture, she tells you how to do it in simple terms and gives you plenty of examples in how to carry out each posture if you are struggling as a beginner.
I had heard of Eckhart Yoga before but never watched many of their videos until about 4 months ago when I started to practice my forearm stands. Very easy soothing voice but not fake or pretentious. She is very good at explaining how to carry out more advanced postures. And also has videos on flows and hatha practices for you to build up your strength with. Really good channel to follow from beginners to advanced. Hands down a great channel all round. :D
There you have it! Go and get stuck in with your yoga practice and thank me later :D
I've been posting a lot of stuff about mindfulness and meditation, but something that has been more of a consistent feature in my (mostly) daily life is yoga.
I love yoga, like a lot. I don't always practice every day. For the last two years I've been practicing more regularly. Which I think is a great thing. I've noticed my flexibility and balance improve a lot from practicing hatha yoga and flows. Which is amazing. In the last 3 or 4 months I've decided that I'd like to try and advance my practice further by incorporating more inversions and back bends.
So whilst I use my hatha practice regularly still. I will normally finish my practice by honing in on postures like King Pigeon Pose, wheel pose, deepening my camel pose, forearm wheel pose, splits, and forearm stands.
I've seen a lot of improvement in each of these postures
Even my bad side has come a long way!! Which I thought was never going to happen.
My splits is going to take some time and patience, it isn't great but it isn't bad either. I was practicing more before the wedding and was seeing some amazing results in a couple of months. Since I haven't been practicing my splits as often since I got married it has kind of relapsed a little bit.
But, I've been focusing more on my legs and my flexibility in my legs in recent days, joined a stretch class as part of the pole studio that I attend and even try to practice it against a wall, even in my forearm stands haha!
Granted these are somewhat more intermediate/advanced postures, I have noticed a lot of progress in different areas that I haven't quite been focusing as much on but are part of my regular practice and through practicing more advanced poses are helping me to perfect the "simpler" ones.
AND!!! Weirdly enough, King dancer isn't something I would ever really practice but have noticed since working on my back bends and more specifically king pigeon pose, that my flexibility in king dancer is getting much better!!
I've only ever been to 2 maybe 3 classes in my life. So for me to have progressed this much on my own is pretty impressive. Granted there are probably some postural areas that need some fine tuning or some work on. But that is where instagram comes in. I love to interact with like minded yogis who are able to help me improve my practice and help me to better my alignment with their advice. I just love it!
Sure it maybe isn't the same as a yoga instructor. But right now I don't have the money to go to regular yoga classes and pole classes. :)
So I will stick to teaching myself for the time being :P
A lot of people I know have varying opinions on New Year Resolutions.
I have a "sit on the fence" approach with it. (As with most things, because nothing is ever black or white in life)
Some people are all #NewYearNewMe which personally I find laughable, unless you truly mean it then sure, go on ahead. You do you, hun ;)
Some people see that they wish to change their life and turn it around. Some maybe dramatically, some maybe take a more subtle approach.
Some people aim to lose weight for the summer, because they want to look good in a bikini, or swim shorts or whatever. Some want to eat healthier because of the Christmas binge season, and just want to lose weight quickly. In this group of people, they tend to lose momentum due to lack of self discipline. They like the idea of change, they like the idea of being a better version of themselves. But they don't make realistic goals to make that change. Or they just like the idea of the change as opposed to putting in the required effort to see it through.
A lot of people have been posting their views on Instagram and blogs about what they think about resolutions, and I find it interesting to read what others have to say about different opinions. Because life tip: It's good to listen to what others have to say, it can open your mind and horizons ;)
Anyway, there seems to be a similar thought amongst a lot of people that "you are just fine the way you are. You don't need to change."
I agree with the first part. You are just fine the way you are. Because I believe that you can lose all the weight in the world because you hate the way you look, but what happens when you get to your goal and you don't look like Naomi Campbell or Kate Moss. Sometimes you can still not be happy with how you look even if you have reached your goal. There isn't that self love there.
I feel like the most effective way of "bettering" yourself using this example, is acknowledging who you are, loving yourself the way you are at the moment. With this self love, wanting to be a healthier version of yourself and making a decision to lose weight with goal in mind. Loving yourself throughout the journey and still loving yourself at the end of the journey. The love is there throughout the process. You WON'T love yourself more by becoming as skinny as <insert models name here>. Even if you did, you won't be satisfied, and will find something else to desire. They key is that loving and accepting yourself NOW, will allow you to see that there is only peace now. There isn't peace down the road, "if I do this, if I do that I will be happy" nothing will ever make you happy. It has to be from within.
The advice on losing weight isn't aimed at people with eating disorders, because this is a very complicated mindset and mental health issue to overcome. I can appreciate how difficult a mindset it is to deal with on a daily basis. I'm talking about (using myself as an example here) normally being around 9 and a 1/2 stone mark (Which is healthy for my height) and putting on 2 stone in the space of 1 year because of your addiction to Bourneville chocolate (6 a day!!) and having two breakfasts every morning like a hobbit. That's my personal example. I wasn't eating healthily, I wasn't exercising enough. It was all pure comfort eating due to stress. So bare that in mind when reading this.
The second thing I wanted to say about the sentence "you are just fine the way you are, you don't need to change"
From a day to day perspective and an evolutionary point of view; Sometimes change is necessary. Whether we like it or not we all aim to better ourselves.
Whether that is striving to become a solicitor some day. Pushing yourself to get ripped at the gym when you've been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and wanting to change your health status. Making a change to leave an abusive relationship with someone or something. I could go on. This will all require a certain degree of effort more so than what you are currently exude. However it's important to love yourself where you're at. Even if you can't love yourself right now, accept that's where you're at for now.
Think about how much you have changed in the last 6 months, a year, even years. Change happens due to circumstances. Change is necessary for growth.
That said, I can understand the mindset of people who think that you are just fine the way you are. Because most people today are not accepting of themselves, and don't have any self love for themselves. So I can completely understand how this might be important for people to hear.
It's never a cut and dry thing wanting to change.
I have got a lot of silent followers on this blog who regularly read my posts and ramblings. So a happy new year to you all! I know I'm 11 days late in posting this. But sure better late than never.
This New Year we had a quiet night in, ordered a chinese, watche some shitty tv which we just ripped the piss out of cause it was funny. Drank some wine and called it a night. It was brilliant, to me it was a great way to spend NYE after the hype of Christmas.
So in recent news in my life. I've been offered a new job. I start at the end of the month (yay for having an income again!) It is very different to what my previous job was. Previously I mostly worked in A&E settings, and don't get me wrong I love A&E. It will always be my first love of nursing. It was a complicated relationship between me and A&E, but it taught me to be stronger. Not to show all my cards at once, to look after myself mentally. I even loved the type of patients that we got in to the department. The craic was ninty with the staff and the buzz helped but the day in.
I went into Nursing originally to become a midwife. And while this idea still is appealing to a certain extent. I have recently found my love for cancer patients and palliative care.
Some people have told me I am very morbid for thinking of having a career in this area. But to me it is necessary. More and more people are being diagnosed with cancer every year. I feel like the treatment for cancer is changing and will continue to change and I would like to be around to witness this change occurring.
I've been studying my ass off in the last couple of months all about cancer; and although I have a long way to go and a lot still yet to learn. I am generally excited to get started.
I got my induction timetable at the start of the week and felt very overwhelmed with how jam packed it was. But I will just have to take it one step at a time, allow myself time to settle in, learn, meet new patients and new staff members.
At the weekend I was at a really low point, I wasn't very well and you know how when you're not well physically it takes a toll mentally too? Well although I was physically sick for about 2 days. It has taken me a while to jump out of that mindset. In fact I haven't been feeling great mentally from being sick for about 5 days now.
I woke up in the morning and felt like crying, for no reason. Just wanted to lie in bed. And sometimes there is a call to do this and let your body and mind rest. But yesterday I just felt like I needed to do something. So I forced myself to get up, open the windows make the bed, clean the kitchen counter top and then sat down to have breakfast. I just did little things at a time, then would take a little break. Because your mind has a way of telling your body to slow down sometimes too.
I didn't feel like chatting, I didn't feel like being chirpy, I didn't really want to have banter. And that's ok, the thing is I knew what I wanted and didn't want. That's a good thing.
I think the daily meditation has helped me to stay in tune with how I'm feeling. It's ok to feel shitty, you don't need to fix it. Just let it be for now. Sometimes that's so hard because even in our conversations with other people, if they ask how things have been with you. There is a tendency for them to respond with a solution when you tell them that you've been feeling pretty down recently.
I can understand the reasoning behind this to be fair. People want to seem helpful, they don't like to talk about sad things. It's hard to talk about stuff that is hard to talk about.
If this is you, that's ok, but always remember that sometimes a solution isn't needed but a listening ear. So don't be afraid of silence, just see what happens when you allow silence to enter the conversation. :3
I am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :)