Nursing just isn't for me I'm only qualified 2 and a half years It's a great job on its own. I love the patient care. The skills I've leaned. The people I've met along the way. But it is the system that is suffocating. The expectation that we are to do the work of 3 when you are only one. The difficult positions we are put in. The conflict between wards. Between staff. Between staff and families. Families and patients. Tie that with the morals of a nurse who wants to do their best. And you end up with burnt out nurses who feel like they're being strangled. Every job has conflict. That's how jobs come about. Jobs are there for the purpose of solving problems. But this is a bigger picture problem than what I alone can fix. Than what any nurse can fix. Team work is ideal, it's a great thing. But it only works if everything else works. On average days I feel like driving away and never coming back. Start a fresh. Leave the job. Screw it. I can't fix it. On terrible days; I have felt mornings driving to work like I might be better driving off the motorway and ending it all. A job shouldn't drive you to think like that. Especially a job where you're supposed to look after mental health and physical health. If you can't look after your own but tell everyone else to look after theirs and how to go about it. How much of a hypocrite am I? It becomes a problem when you can't look after your own health as effectively as you'd like. Yes we all have to compromise sometimes. But there is only so much. "Oh but you only work 3 days a week. It can't be that bad" It is. You've no idea. You haven't the faintest idea. The amount of time spent preparing yourself for that day's work. Not knowing what or who you might be dealing with. Sometimes it's nearly worse when you know what and who you're dealing with. It's the most depressing feeling that you are doing a job that you went into with the best intentions. Then you start to hate it. And it's like a snow ball effect. It very quickly gains momentum. Hearing stories from other colleagues about poor management. About so and so said this. Job descriptions changing unofficially. You do what you can. But it's never enough. Sometimes you get a glimmer of hope with the occasional grateful patient, family member or colleague who thanks you and you know you've done something right. But those are far and few between. Love wins in the end. It's hard to see in the moment of such overwhelming and overpowering emotions. But it's there. Quietly sitting in the background.
I am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :)