I'm currently on a plane to England.
And it dawned on me.
Being from Northern Ireland, the weather over the summer is generally terrible.
BUT, the skies are always blue.
Not make sense?
Let me explain.
It's generally rather cloudy and rainy in Northern Ireland. (Hence why the island is so green)
You maybe get a grand total of 3-4 weeks of sunshine every year. And when you do get sunshine. Northern Ireland is stunning.
But regardless of how rainy, stormy and windy it gets. The skies are always blue.
Before this plane took off this morning, there was a sky filled with grey clouds, the rain had already started and it was bitter cold. When we took off and reached 30,000 feet, the skies were blue. But beneath me there are still lots of clouds.
The skies might appear gloomy and like it might cause you to break/cause inconvenience. But when you take a step back and realise that your ego is causing you to think that the circumstances that is your life are going to be too much for you to bare. That's like initially lifting off the ground.
You keep taking steps back from yourself to "see the bigger picture" if you will. And you realise that you are the bigger picture that you, the real you; is connected to everything.
You rise above it and look down at everything that's happening in your life and realise that you are a separate thing all together from your ego. You're ego is a part of you and not the other way away around.
then realised that this is kinda like meditation and just generally realising that this is it.
(How poetic 😂)
In this analogy the blue skies represent the real you and the cloudy miserable skies represent all the circumstances in your life and how your ego reacts to it. Thinking "poor little me".
We are allowed to vent and get angry and upset. Im not in anyway suggesting that we suppress these thoughts. But take them for what they are. Just thoughts. Acknowledging them is great, let them run their course. But they're not you. You are much more than your thoughts and emotions.
Have you ever wondered where thoughts come from? Because they aren't you. Just watch your thoughts go by right now. It's surreal isn't it? Where do they come from?
Lol anyway. Little trippy discussion over.
We all have our weaknesses in an individual level.
Even those of us who appear most confident.
One of the many things I see every day is people hiding their weaknesses.
From an animal instinct perspective; this is in Order that other predators can't see our weaknesses and prey on us.
As we have evolved over time. (Regardless of your stance on creationism vs. Evolution we have as a society evolved that is something no one can argue with) the reasoning behind us hiding our weaknesses tends to get a bit blurry. In part it could be that we are in denial and don't want to admit something we struggle with. It could be that we aren't ready to tell anyone yet or it could be basic "hiding from preserves" mentality.
I'm not saying any one of those reasonings is wrong. Just a mere observation.
I, like everyone else around me have my own personal weaknesses.
I struggle with getting approval from other people. Therefore having a knock on effect with how much confidence I have. I put all my eggs in one basket. The basket being other people's views on me and the eggs being my desire to be approved of and my self worth.
I realise from recent events from the last year right up until a couple of weeks ago. The same thing that I've known for a while now. "No one thinks about you as much as you'd think" "no one really has your best interests at heart because we are all too busy looking after our own agendas, our own lives etc"
It's the truth. Part of me has known this for sometime but it is a long road to fully realising it.
But then I realised today, I have put so much emphasis on this "realisation" like an epiphany or moment of enlightenment.
I've been practicing mindfulness like I mentioned in my previous blog post (how hipster do I sound right now tho? 😂) and have noticed that I wait for these moments of realisation. When the penny finally drops. I'll know something for ages like using "seeking approval from others" as an example. I'll watch this tendency mindfully but not change anything intentionally so as to allow myself to change slowly.
I always remember Kyle saying to me "some people have to find the thing along the journey. Other people just decide to get it there and then" I've maybe mis worded what he said but I know in my heart what he meant.
I'm deciding "why wait?" Today I'm deciding to live out not needing approval from anyone. It might be difficult at first but I'm going to switch my mindful intention to instead of watching my tendencies. To being the best version of me I can be.
I'm less apologetic. I don't need to appologise unless I am genuinely in the wrong. I don't need to ask if I'm a slow worker, a bad friend, a terrible listener.
I. Am. Me. And I am the best version of me that there can be.
There is a lovely thing out of being in a long distance relationship.
When we say "I can't wait to be with you."
You can't wait to exist with someone else and to be present with them.
You can't wait to enjoy and suffer with them.
You can't wait to have them alongside you in this thing whatever this is.
The point is that you want to spend time with them and are looking forward to being with them in this lifetime
Love to me is one of the single most difficult things to define.
To me it is ever changing the older I get and the more I learn.
What the first thing I amongst others think about is that Love in its simplest term is a fluttering feeling you get when you see someone you care so deeply about and would do anything for.
Although in saying that there are many who don't fully understand that concept.
Love is so much more than just this. This definition is only one part of the bigger picture in trying to explain what love is.
Love is incorporates other people, family, friends, neighbours, yourself, your significant other.
How about complete strangers? Do they come into the equation? I suppose that depends on the individual asking the question.
How about yourself? For me this is a difficult one.
I don't always accept myself or think I am worth anything. But this is a personal battle that is ongoing and will win.
Love to me is an entity. It is something we all feel. We have all experienced in one way or another. It is something that is so obvious yet so difficult to explain. Makes no sense right? You'd think that something so simple to experience is easy to define. Yet I think it is because of our varying experiences with it in life is why it is so complicated to try and grasp.
For me my definition would be that love is like sand. You cannot grasp it entirely. It is a million things yet it is all one.
It is appreciating the now. It's appreciating you. It's appreciating how people affect you. It's taking in what is going on around you for what it is at the time. It's displaying your feelings to someone. I could list one thousand things that fall into the catergory of love but even if I did there would be a thousand more things that I'd be forgetting.
Love is a huge part of everyone's lives even if you "don't have it" it will make a profound impact on your route in life.
Maybe another question to ask is "do I truly love xyz? Or do I love how they make me feel?"
Which brings me to what I said at the start where some people don't fully grasp the most simple concept of love. Mistaking it for lust. We all think lust is a bad thing but it has its place too. It just complicated when the two are mistaken.
Love is so much more than even our minds can comprehend.
I am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :)