I honestly believe that relationships start having problems, when other people get involved.
"You're 24. Why aren't you married yet?" Don't you just love how people always target the woman when asking this question? Very rarely will someone ask the guy. Then again maybe it's because the guy generally adopts a "I don't care what you think this is none of your business" kinda attitude
Here's the thing. To get married you need money. "Oh you don't need money. Just so long as you're in love" Mate, who are you trying to kid?
Not to mention the additional cost of a house. Be it renting or buying it is hard to afford both this day and age. Houses are bloody expensive. You can't just walk into a house these days. Prices have sky rocketed since the credit crunch. And it doesn't make it easy for people like me to be able to afford a wedding and a house. It's either one or the other.
Let say my boyfriend was to propose to me today. We would have to save for either a wedding or a house. We couldn't afford both.
The sad thing is that a lot of people are in the same situation. Where they can only afford one or the other.
The average wedding (and I mean the average wedding) can cost approximately £22,000. Realistically speaking; Neither him or I have that kind of money. And we aren't exactly big spenders.
"Oh but that's what you save up for." Ok. So let say if we save up. That means more waiting, and I'm not talking months. I'm talking years. Which means more people rolling their eyes and talking in hushed tones "He doesn't intend on marrying her. Poor girl. They're never getting married and she hasn't a clue"
Silently judging. False sympathy. And let's not get into the discussion on the fact that this is now 2016 and women are not defined by their marital status anymore; So catch up. All aboard the time travel train cause we're going back to the future. "What year, Doc?" "The year 2016, Mardy!"
But I digress...
You're damned if I do, you're damned if I don't. If I get married with no house. People will talk. If I move in and don't get married but save up for it. People will talk.
I personally am happy in my relationship with my boyfriend. We are very happy. But only because I let what people say and their opinions get to me.
That's the point. The minute you start letting. What people say in to your relationships. Is when things go tits up.
Lesson for you all today. People should mind their own business. A relationship is between two people and the only reasons that someone should intervene is because it's an emotional or physically abusive relationship. Otherwise. Butt out.
"You're too soft" I hear this at least once a day So sue me if I'm compassionate and caring towards others. The fact that I like to maintain the peace does not mean that I am naive or just let people walk all over me. I can see the bull shit. You can't pull the wool over my eyes. My problem is that it's a very fine line between being assertive and being rude. I'm not always sure how to handle things that require an assertive tone of voice in a professional manner. Without losing the rag and being uncivilised. It's something I will learn with experience. But people telling me "you're too soft and we need to toughen you up" isn't gonna help me realise that any faster. In fact if anything it is going to delay that growth. In much the same way as saying "cheer up" to someone who is feeling the weight of the Earth on their shoulders with stress and anxiety. Telling me; someone who isn't sure how to be assertive whilst maintaining that professional boundary to "toughen up" is quite frankly unproductive and only comes across as you thinking you've one up on me. I am not weak. I've been thinking and reflecting over the weekend as I had a lot of alone time to do some thinking about this. I have been wondering for ages and thinking to myself "I need to toughen up. I know I need to be more assertive" but could never bring myself to be it. Why? That's because everyone's growth rate is different. I am assertive in the right circumstances. If someone is disrespecting me. If I don't like someone's tone I will call them out. If someone invades my personal space; I can handle it. Hell I've been mugged for frigs sake and have still managed to hold my own. I'm a tough cookie. I just can't deal with bullshit passive aggression of people with "first world problems". I can't do "professional assertiveness". I just haven't mastered that skill yet. Professionally speaking, my priority when there is conflict is maintaining calm and peace. This is what they encourage in the MAPPA training that hospitals give nurses. "Disengage the situation." And this will help to prevent deescalation. I have found it to be very effective in a lot of scenarios. However I struggle to know when enough is enough when it is a work related issue. When I talk about professional assertiveness. I'm not necessarily talking about my work and what it entails. I would like to be able to maintain and professional manner in work and outside work. My intentions are focused on being professional during conflict. Then that is what I will eventually get. I just need to let go and enjoy the journey. I suggest you do the same too. Namaste
I love this, haha. Granted there is more to the story than just "nah". But one word, speaks so much volume and makes a statement. Rosa Parks is a true hero.
I am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :)