I saw a person I follow on Instagram update her instastories. She seems to be in a slump at the moment. Feeling really down and like she hasn't got her shit together.
I completely appreciate her honesty and bravery to allow herself to expose her vulnerabilities for all to see.
Which leads me very neatly on to my next point.
I think it is build within us as a species, not only as a species but as a collective group of existing beings, not to expose your vulnerabilities. Because it means you can be seen as a weaker target by predators. Even if we go into the wild. Animals will very rarely display their vulnerabilities, they will try to hide them in order for them not to be eaten/fall behind from the pack etc.
We humans probably did it in caveman era. And we still do it today. But in a completely different context. We don't show when we are struggling. We keep it all within ourselves or with a select few whom we trust. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. What I do see as problematic is the mindset that "let's pretend on social media that we have our shit together" that then creates a culture and domino effect of people pretending that they have perfect lives. That they have their shit together and are on top of their game.
Absolutely wonderful by the way if you are on top of your game at whatever stage of life you are at. And it's wonderful that you wish to share it with others. That isn't what this is about, however.
Noone has their life organised, exciting and are driven people 100% of the time. We go through waves of it. Even when we are on top of our game. There will be other things that are either in our control or outside of it that we find irritating, upsetting or frustrating.
It's always consoling to know that others don't have their shit together either. Which begs the question, why are we pretending to have our lives together?
Who are we really trying to kid? Our exes? Old friends? Old crushes? Old class mates?
Dont get me wrong I'm not expecting anyone and everyone to put their list of vulnerabilities on their Facebook profile "about me section" or anything. But at the same time, be honest with yourself. Don't post bullshit about how happy you are or how amazing life is if you aren't in that place right now. No one is gonna really be that upset with you if you don't bother posting about how great your life is at the moment, especially when you don't truly mean it.
Take a break from social media if you feel down. Be honest with yourself. And sometimes it is refreshing to see others who post about how they are struggling with the various aspects of life. If you feel that is what you'd like to do and you'd find it therapeutic then do it. If you'd rather not. Then process any grief of difficulties you're having differently, either a healthy internal processing of emotions or chat with a close friend.
Watch this video carefully. This has taken me such a long time to fully get.
When people say "I need to find myself" I can see where they are coming from. But now I'm also thinking "what is there to find? How do you get there?" Really think about it for a minute.
You are already "there". "There" isn't as far away as you think.
"There" and "here" are the same thing.
Your flaws and behaviourisms are part of your personality that don't necessarily need changed through self improvement. Unless they're destroying you and those around you.
Watch them first, then watch how the patterns tend to flow.
Then try and play around with the behaviourisms and how you handle certain circumstances.
It's easier said than done. Takes time and patience too.
But just know that to get to yourself you don't have to travel too far. You are here.
I like to link yoga and meditation together because they are essentially the same thing.
The goal is the same, to be present. To experience this right here, without thinking you are the thinker. Without allowing thoughts to build up inside you. Sometimes you will forget this and get tangled up in all the daily struggles, grievances and frustrations. That's ok. So long as you come back to the centre of yourself. The real you.
Some people will experience enlightenment like this woman, where she becomes euphoric and on a high. Other people will have smaller moments of enlightenment. Where you may learn the same lesson over and over again in different ways, so that you can cross reference them.
It's similar to yoga in that some positions might not be easily accessible for you at this time. But with regular and consistent practice you will be able to break through that barrier and allow yourself to let go into that position.
Each person's journey is different yet similar. They are parallel.
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I have been practising a lot of yoga recently. It's maybe because I have had a yet another stressful and busy month in September. I am off on annual leave (today is my last day) and I have felt the freedom and have had and made the time to practice regularly.
At first I found I wasn't really interested in getting back into a practice. I found as soon as I started my practice I would feel myself dreading what is yet to come. Am I gonna experience pain today because I've been out of practice for a while? How long is long enough? Maybe I can get away with only doing 5-10 mins. Surely that's better than nothing? (It is if you aren't well, have a lot going on in one day etc, not when you are off on annual leave not doing anything anyway, there's no excuse for that)
I then felt this little quiet voice in my head say "just go with it, let go of the future and just be present here and now"
And it literally felt like melting into this right here, right now. Instead of clinging on to thoughts about the future, and planning what to do after this etc. (sometimes I do this when meditating as well I have realised) I've felt like this is my me time to watch the thoughts as they float by in my head, to let them fizzle out. To recognise those feelings of anxiety and let them be felt, then watch them fizzle out as well/let them run their course.
My practice has literally been a life saver for me the last 10 days. I've felt brave enough to try new things and everything. So that has been good.
I am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :)