It took me the longest time to learn to love my body. I never felt good enough. Hated my thick thighs. Wished my boobs were bigger, hips were bigger etc.
We all have things we sometimes feel a bit insecure about and that's ok. I learned to accept that someday I'd love my body and other days, not so much. But I'd get on with my day regardless. I learned not to compare myself with others and to do something about anything I wasn't happy with, if it was within my power to change. I've really been struggling with my weight the last couple of years. More so the last year. I pulled on a stone when I worked in my last job due to comfort eating. I realised this because I went into debenhams one day last March and couldn't fit into a size 14 pair of jeans. I felt awful. I made a point to lose weight because I didn't feel healthy and wasn't happy with my body. That was my choice. There will be some people who say "love yourself for you. Not as a body type" and I agree. To a point. I do love myself for me. But I also love myself enough to know when the way I was eating isn't healthy. So I made a conscious decision to change that. I hit the gym, went to pole, did my yoga. And lost nearly 2 stone in time for my wedding in November. Then I put on a little weight again. Not to the point I had let myself get to before. But I decided I wanted to get fitter, slimmer and healthier. And there isn't anything wrong with that either. Today I saw someone I know, wedding photos and I felt like such an inadequate bride in comparison. I felt like a short arse with big hips, tum and boobage going on. Meanwhile this bride was a slender gorgeous sexy mother trucker. I know logically in my head that everyone has different body types and frames. I also know that in my wedding photos I was the lightest I had been in about 3 or 4 years! (Not underweight by the way) I loved everything about my wedding(s) I loved how we did things that worked for us and made us happy. I won't ever regret that. But in relation to me. I feel like I was clumsy looking and just not what I could have been. Even something as innocent as a Facebook comment someone left on a wedding photo recently saying that my smile was so cheeky looking despite looking so beautiful. They meant no harm or malice with their comment but it making me think that I look immature, clumsy and like stupid when I was a bride. At the same time that's just who I am. I am a bit clumsy sometimes. I'm not all "airs and graces" and if I had of tried to be, it wouldn't have been me. And I probably would have spent the day emotional and sentimental about various things. So at the moment, these thoughts are kind of at war in my head battling it out. I also have the flu so I can help but think that perhaps it is the sickness that is making me think and feel like this? I definitely want to jump back on the fitness band wagon once I'm over this flu fully. Since starting this job I've only been going to pole once a week and doing a feeble attempt at yoga maybe 2 times a week. I know I can do better. I want to do better. I'm not setting my hopes and dreams of being happy on a goal I have set for myself in how I want to look physique wise. But I'm also looking forward to having a six pack!
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :) Archives
March 2019
Categories
All
|