I remember working in a nursing home for a couple of years before I became a nurse.
I always felt sorry for some of the residents that didn't have any family of their own to come in and visit them. One lady had a few friends come to visit from time to time. She was introverted looking back and enjoyed her own company a bit more I guess. But I always remember thinking to myself "how sad, not having any family of their own" I imagined the regret in each of those persons eyes as they look at their peers and see their family come visit them but they themselves wouldn't have any visitors. Some couldn't have kids, others never married and remained single their whole lives. From then on, I always said to myself that one day I'd have kids (when I am ready) because I don't want to be like this. Living in regret because you don't have a family sounds awful. I still agree with this. Living in regret because you didn't have a family of your own does sound awful. But for different reasons. I am sitting on a train as I write this and the same thought came into my head from years ago. About being old and not having kids. I come from a different time to these people. Women in the 1940s era were focused primarily on creating a family and making a home. Women now a days (although I do agree that for most is a fundamental instinct for women to varying degrees) women are generally speaking interested in a career. This is evident by the numbers of women chasing having babies later and later in life. Of course this is generally speaking. There are always exceptions to the rules and there are plenty of women who chose to have babies young and rear a family. Everyone has different life goals. I think that both are wonderful things. The world needs more of each kind of person. But back to the older generation. For a lot of women to not be married by 25 was a thing people would have talked about a lot more than it would be today "why isn't she married yet?" "What's wrong with her?" Etc. So it would have been rather unconventional for a woman to not marry. And even more so for a couple to chose not to have a child. So some people will have some regrets when they're old and grey. Realising they'd like the company and that they're lonely. Now back to the present day where I'm currently 25. In some ways I think I can see where they're coming from. It's scary to get old. Not knowing what lies around the corner, "will my death be painful?" We don't think about it enough when we are young and are faced with it when we are old. Sometimes just having company from the constant reminder that we have one day less on earth can be overwhelming for some. It serves as a distraction in some ways. Some people chose to have babies because "it's the done thing" and "is what's expected when you're in a relationship/marriage. Some people do it because they want the company of a child and the reassurance that their child will come and visit them when they're old and grey. To me this mindset is selfish. You don't do something because "it's expected" or "you want the company of a child when you're in a nursing home" The child and you might have a terrible relationship and they may move away some day and never come back. Then you've brought a child into the world with selfish intentions that have back fired. Nothing in life is guaranteed. But another thing worth mentioning is that the child didn't ask to be brought into this world. Surely the whole idea of a parent is to bring the child up to be independent and have their own life. Yes absolutely family is important and I think it's awfully sad when a patient or resident doesn't have any family members to visit. But I think that the idea of having children for selfish reasons is equally as sad. For the parent and the child. Have children because you are ready, because you want to provide for a little life, watch them grow, thrive, learn, watch them teach you as you teach them about life. Please don't have children as a way of insurance that you will never have to be lonely. There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. Maybe spend some time alone today if you can.
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AuthorI am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :) Archives
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