These are some raw feelings so bare with me.
I would never have picked this up before doing my nursing, or maturing a bit.
It is currently 06:43 where I am and around 50 minutes ago our house phone rings. I am normally a deep sleeper but this woke me up. My first two thoughts were 1) It's either an international call from a sales man or 2) someone has died.
I have two relatives who are very unwell at the minute, my nanny and one of my dad's aunts. My nanny in all honesty I expected she was to pass away last June as she was extremely unwell. But she has peaked and dipped in a pattern. She was in hospital recently and was bed bound. I thought to myself that this was the beginning of the end for her. My dad's aunt has been diagnosed with cancer and her prospects are not looking good right now as far as I am aware, her situation is awful and I feel nothing but love and compassion for the poor lady. As I lay in bed I heard my mum get up and go to the bathroom, this is normal for her as anything that wakes her the first thing she does is go to the bathroom. Then I heard my dad getting dressed and I knew that someone was either dying or had passed away during the night. I knew instantly it was my nanny.
This weekend we were supposed to go away for a little break as a family, then these men came and asked if they could clean our house. Mum and Dad decided to stay just encase to see them finish the job, they went to visit my nanny.
I feel that God really knew what He was doing and was preparing us in a way for nanny's death. We were just not meant to go on our little break. In a way I have found peace with my nanny's death as I have been expecting it. I am also well cultured with death given my last placement saw a lot of palliative patients die and actively die. I will miss her, but am more concerned for my family and their well being, and what is going to happen.
Also I have a drug calculation test tomorrow and am unsure what to do about it. Will some how have to get in touch with university despite it being a Sunday, I don't think it would be appropriate to do a test with everything being so fresh and there being so much to do.
As selfish as this will sound, it's just typical when I start back to university. That things be thrown off kilter. Not that it happens regularly but just the fact that it is juts when I am organised and something happens (could be small like getting a vomit and diarrhea bug in first year of nursing school on the first week of term, I don't hold nothing back here haha no pun intended)
I am at peace with death and that is fine. It is more the implications that I am worried about.
I should probably get some rest, but I suppose I won't be able to turn over now.
I am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :)