Today was lovely. Tonight however was a bit stressful.
I sat outside before getting ready for bed around 8:45pm just to get some fresh air around me to ironically help me sleep. I heard a buzzing noise and turned around to notice a slight hole in my grans roof and a very determined wasp trying to get in to that hole. It did run ups and everything. I was pretty sure that it was making a nest. My next question was should I tell Gran or not? I then realised that I'd be away in the morning and not back home from work until 9pm. This would mean that the problem would remain unaddressed until two days from I noticed it. So I figured that it needed nipped in the bud ASAP. I told Gran in a calm manner but that didn't help. She got a bit annoyed about this and wanted the problem sorted immediately. She went to kill the wasp which i must have warned her not to do 4 times before she would listen. I explained that wasps send out distress signals when they're upset for their wee mates to come as backup. Meanwhile my phone rang and it was Kyles brother Benj saying that future brother in law Ryan had tripped over a rabbit hole and had broken his ankle and wanted to know if I was working. I said no and asked where they were in the hopes that they might be near by that they could call round and I'd have a look at his foot for him. They said they were on their way to A&E. I asked a few nursey questions to get an idea of how bad it was. I told them I'd meet them there. (I don't know why on reflection because I couldn't get them seen faster/ do anything for them as I wasn't working) (I even realised this at the time but figured they've helped me when I got mugged so I'd like to be able to return the favour) I told them I couldn't be there long as I'm working tomorrow. Meanwhile Gran reluctantly went back into the house eventually after much coercing. It wouldn't have been safe for her to kill the wasp any way. She is easily spooked and would have fallen and broken her hip. Hands down 100% bad idea. I explained to her that we cannot do anything about it tonight as it is getting dark but to call someone in the morning. She suggested calling Richard our neighbour. I explained again that it's getting dark and he won't be able to see anything but she insisted I ring because he might do something. I rang Richard and relayed all the info to his wife. Who explained that he was at his sisters house and she'd give him a ring. I knew that Richard wouldn't come out because as I had already said. It was getting dark and there was no point him even having a look until it was daylight. I was more thinking that if someone who wasn't family told gran to relax and leave it until the morning then she might settle a bit. Plus as well Gran is a bit traditional and finds comfort in a man telling her not to worry as opposed to her granddaughter. Haha! I explained that I was going to A&E as Ryan has broken his ankle. I was then thinking that they had probably already arrived at A&E at this stage. And was wondering why on earth I was heading down to A&E only to wait with them really. Also knowing that if it was very bad he'd be in resus and only one relative is allowed in. Then I was thinking about young Benj who probably would need to go to bed soon as he has school in the morning. I thought that I could maybe check in say hello. Explain what would happen and then take Benj home. I rang Kyle as I had a missed call from him and told him the entire events that had unfolded in the last half hour. He was a bit frustrated that I had committed to going to A&E to do what exactly. I said that I understood what he meant when Ryan was in the right place but at the very least I could take Benj home. Kyle said that his parents could leave Benj home if it got late. I explained that I had already promised and it wouldn't be right for me to say "nah changed my mind" especially when I'm in the car now driving. (Side note: the phone was on the speaker) He didn't think it was a good idea since I wasn't involved and couldn't do anything anyway. I explained that I didn't want to back out now but that I wouldn't be staying for long. Kyle understood and let me get on with things. He's right. I knew he was right and I even knew from the outset that there was no point in me going but I wanted to help. Kyle tells me I do this all the time. I spread myself so thinly to help others. Just anyone who needs help at all. I go so far out of my way to help others that it tends to go unnoticed because it's so odd. Not that I help others for it to be noticed but I get what he means as I do have the tendency to help others then get no thanks for it afterwards and end up being used when people need things because "it's just Rachel" that's been the case most of my life really. He was calling me out on it. He also reminded me that I had work tomorrow and I needed to get 8 hours sleep. It wasn't that he didn't want me to help but he didn't see the point in me going when Ryan was going to be in the right place in the right hands. My being there wouldn't change anything. I felt so conflicted so I promised myself I'd stay for a little while then take Benj home and that would be it. Which I kept to this promise. Benj wanted to stay and help Jodie but I explained that once Ryan got his Cast on and his crutches he'd be grand to get into the car himself. I dropped Benj off home and here I am lying in bed. I honestly expected myself to be kicking myself for going and in some ways I am and in other ways I'm not. I shouldn't have offered to go. It didn't serve any purpose really. The only thing I did was ask if Ryan's name had been called for X-ray when he was outside having a smoke. Then left Benj home. That was it really. At the same time I'm glad I went and got doing something as small as that. I always do things like this, Kyle is right. I need to slow down with these things more. Take a deep breath and ask what purpose my presence would serve? And is it necessary? Poor Gran was fretting at home about this wasp. But there's literally nothing I could have done about that tonight. Nor cousin she, nor could Richard. It still would have been sorted tomorrow or thereafter. But I do feel bad for leaving her on reflection. I took the time to apologise for telling her and getting her anxious. Kicking myself at the same time that she wanted it sorted there and then. I told her not to worry and that we would get it sorted. I rang her once I got to the hospital to check in that she was alright. She told me she was and that she might just go to bed. Which I highly encouraged. I feel so much better for writing this out. I can be so silly sometimes and I guess this is a platform for me to express my frustrations, annoyance and epiphanies about myself. Lesson learned: the old saying "think before you speak" Ask yourself what purpose does my presence serve and is it necessary? Good to apply in a lot of things in life, isn't it?
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AuthorI am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :) Archives
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