I am currently eerie wiggling on my grans phone call conversation to her cousin. (Grans phone is made for deaf people so everyone in the same room as her can hear the conversation.)
Her cousins husband has given up and is refusing to eat. The cousin is very frustrated at her husband that he is just giving up. I understand that being. A carer is a draining job. You feel a sense of duty of care towards the person. That you cannot give up on them. To tend to all their needs; toilet, getting washed and dressed, entertainment. The works. You do your best for them and you feel upset when they give up all together. The man from what I gather is lovely to the doctors and nursing staff. But when his family arrive he is grumpy, doesn't take any interest in the grandchildren or his own children there to visit him and can be very hurtful. His daughter (grans cousin) calls him selfish because he refuses to eat, drink, be grateful that he has family here. Apparently two other men in the bay don't get visitors and she is angry that he isn't grateful at all for his own family. It sounds to me like he has severe depression. And getting angry at someone for not being grateful is counter productive. It's all well and good me saying that as I'm not involved. But just something I've learned over the years. Telling someone with depression to be happy, grateful, less selfish. Isn't gonna help them. The wife sounds like she is at her wits end. Which I fully appreciate. It's hard to watch someone deplete before your eyes. You feel helpless and so you deflect it onto the other person. And I'm not even having a go at the poor woman. She's probably done everything she knows she can do. It must be awful to feel so helpless. Sometimes it's good to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. It's the same with any other mental health issue. Someone attempting suicide is not selfish. It's a cry for help at the very least. It's a struggle at to grasp the concept of this... What is this? Why do I feel like this?" And depending on the cause of depression (chemical/trauma related etc) "why don't I feel grateful for what I have?" This leading into a vicious circle of further despair. Easier said than done. But if someone is refusing to eat, be active, etc you cannot physically make them do it. Sometimes just being there, listening, offering medical intervention such as medication, referrals to psychologists, physichiatrists etc. Can be helpful. Not for everyone. But it's worth a shot. Some people are biologically conditioned into depression. That might be he wrong way to phrase it but it's the only way I know how to put it right now. Acknowledging that there is a problem within the mind is the first step; and for some the only step that they can take for their loved ones. Acknowledging that this person is suffering mentally and emotionally is healthy. Sometimes you cannot fix it. There's this tendency in today's society to fix the problem, right? Jobs are created to problem solve. That's he whole point. But some problems cannot be solved. And because of the way the world has become. It's hard to accept that sometimes things cannot be fixed. So if you are reading this and you know someone who is down, aggressive, can be hurtful, isolating themselves, refusing to eat etc. Here's my advice: 🔹 Don't take it personally, it most likely isn't something you've done. Or isn't aimed at you directly (though it might feel like it if they yell at you about something. Most likely there's going to be something underlying going on 🔹 From here take a step back, be that creating space between you and your loved one. Or taking a moment to acknowledge that they are struggling with whatever this is around us right now. This thing that we have labelled as life 🔹 Not everyone has the same outlook on life as you. Not one mindset in life is gonna be the same for all people. Don't fool yourself. Just because you can accept something doesn't mean others can/will 🔹If you know someone who has attempted suicide. This person is vulnerable. Don't think for a second of telling them how selfish they are and to think of those left behind. This will only reinforce the mindset that "the world is better off without them as they only cause grief and suffering" despite the fact this isn't even remotely true. Take a step into their shoes and sit down with them. Sit in silence. Don't say anything. Just sit in silence. Show them you are there and wish to be present with them during this struggle 🔹 Take it one day at a time. There will be good days along with the bad. 🔹 Don't let being a carer consume your entire being. You need to look after yourself. Doesn't mean you have to go away for a spa weekend. Could be a simple face mask, book, favourite to show, pjs and a glass of wine/cup of tea. Take time out for you when you can. 🔹 Look for support, go to your GP for advice on how to look after your own mental health. If you're a carer, you most likely have a feeling of duty of care towards your loved one. You'll be no use to them if you burn out. Look after you.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :) Archives
March 2019
Categories
All
|