In nursing school they tell us that compassion isn't something that you can teach people. You either have it or you don't. You either are compassionate to be a good nurse or you aren't. There is a growing problem in the nursing community of what's called "compassionate fatigue" which is something that is almost always avoided in conversation as no one wants to be seen as too tired to be compassionate (which is always how it is perceived) Google defines it as:
So it's a result of hard core caring for too long and seeing so much in a short space of time.
It is something I have heard many nurses joke about. And I find this really sad. It isn't something we should joke about. I have seen quite a lot in A&E and I'm not saying I'm special for it. But there are times I feel very drained and such. And I have come to realise that this feeling is ok. My mum and dad told me about a vet show they watched a few weeks ago. They told me about this case where a middle aged man brought his dog spud to the vet because he was in severe pain with his back legs. The man who was a veteran with PTSD said his dog was his best friend who listened to him and didn't judge him. He was upset when the vet told him his pup would need a CT scan as he couldn't afford it. So the vet paid for it for him because he knew how much they eh dog meant to the man. This was enough to tip me over the emotional edge. The CT scan showed he dog had metastic cancer that had spread to his bones and the options were either out the dog down (which the owner couldn't cope with) or amputate the affected leg that would buy him a few months. The man and his sister paid 1/4 each and raised enough money for the operation and te dog had his leg amputated successfully. And it showed the dog having the time of his life running along the beach with his owner. The dog unfortunately passed away a few months later. But this story had me fighting back the tears. I don't know why I fought it. There's probably some reasons such as not wanting to cry in front of my parents encase they think "flip if this is what she is like with a dog what is she like working in A&E with people??" And also the fact that I don't want it to upset me or affect me. That isn't good behaviour for mental health. It's ok to feel things. Even if they aren't nice. I got in my Car later that night and cried. I then wondered. Why did this affect me so much. I see people at their most vulnerable. I see them struggling. I see them at their weakest point. I can cope with that. I have seen some horrible things that the average person might only see once in alive time. I can get on with it. It's my job to be professional about it. I can do it. But why did this story about a dog reduce me to tears? Well I chatted to my boyfriend about it and he said "it's maybe because you've bottled things up for so long from the emotional strain of our job" I've put on a happy face for a while and it's ok to feel things. I'm here to tell you it's ok to feel. Don't be afraid to. You don't have to cry with anyone if you don't want to. But be emotional from time to time. It shows your compassionate side. Namaste x
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AuthorI am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :) Archives
March 2019
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