In nursing school they tell us that compassion isn't something that you can teach people. You either have it or you don't. You either are compassionate to be a good nurse or you aren't.
There is a growing problem in the nursing community of what's called "compassionate fatigue" which is something that is almost always avoided in conversation as no one wants to be seen as too tired to be compassionate (which is always how it is perceived)
Google defines it as:
So it's a result of hard core caring for too long and seeing so much in a short space of time.
It is something I have heard many nurses joke about. And I find this really sad. It isn't something we should joke about.
I have seen quite a lot in A&E and I'm not saying I'm special for it. But there are times I feel very drained and such. And I have come to realise that this feeling is ok.
My mum and dad told me about a vet show they watched a few weeks ago. They told me about this case where a middle aged man brought his dog spud to the vet because he was in severe pain with his back legs. The man who was a veteran with PTSD said his dog was his best friend who listened to him and didn't judge him. He was upset when the vet told him his pup would need a CT scan as he couldn't afford it. So the vet paid for it for him because he knew how much they eh dog meant to the man. This was enough to tip me over the emotional edge. The CT scan showed he dog had metastic cancer that had spread to his bones and the options were either out the dog down (which the owner couldn't cope with) or amputate the affected leg that would buy him a few months. The man and his sister paid 1/4 each and raised enough money for the operation and te dog had his leg amputated successfully. And it showed the dog having the time of his life running along the beach with his owner. The dog unfortunately passed away a few months later. But this story had me fighting back the tears. I don't know why I fought it. There's probably some reasons such as not wanting to cry in front of my parents encase they think "flip if this is what she is like with a dog what is she like working in A&E with people??"
And also the fact that I don't want it to upset me or affect me. That isn't good behaviour for mental health. It's ok to feel things. Even if they aren't nice.
I got in my Car later that night and cried. I then wondered. Why did this affect me so much. I see people at their most vulnerable. I see them struggling. I see them at their weakest point. I can cope with that. I have seen some horrible things that the average person might only see once in alive time. I can get on with it. It's my job to be professional about it. I can do it. But why did this story about a dog reduce me to tears?
Well I chatted to my boyfriend about it and he said "it's maybe because you've bottled things up for so long from the emotional strain of our job" I've put on a happy face for a while and it's ok to feel things.
I'm here to tell you it's ok to feel. Don't be afraid to. You don't have to cry with anyone if you don't want to. But be emotional from time to time. It shows your compassionate side.
I have noticed that here are two big themes in my personality that come to light in my head when I'm talking to someone.
I am a carer, I care too much about what people think when I talk. Am I boring them? Have I said too much? Have I stopped for a breath yet? Am I sounding too rambly? Am I talking nonsense?
But I also love the small details of everything I talk about. When someone asks me something about me, like tonight when my boyfriends house mate asked me something about how work was going. I started to visualise all the things I was saying. I have a very vivid imagination and everything I say, I'm remembering in time order. I'm terrible at summarising. And I tend to feel this part of me is a very negative aspect. But I don't think it really is. It's good to be a chatter box, sometimes when I'm on a roll something funny verbally falls out of my mouth. With the right people it can be funny. Boyfriends house mate is so chilled you can be yourself around him and he won't judge. But I'm always afraid of overdoing it when I'm talking to people. (Hence the caring side of me kicks in :/ )
The only thing that consolidates me is the fact that everyone has flaws and insecurities that they'd like to tweet every so often. And the thing is, everyone has different personalities, and everyone is like marmite. You either love them or maybe not so much haha!
So always remember that you are not alone. Don't hate yourself or an aspect about yourself. Embrace it. You're you. And you're awesome!
Don't hate meditate
i have found that doing regular vlogs keeps me accountable for updating my yoga practice. It's getting me excited to do yoga so as I can see how much I am progressing and I have to say, I'm already noticing a difference in myself! My flexibility is starting to improve, my upper body strength and core strength are better than they've ever been. Now I just need to get a regular routine at the gym, join a yoga class and I'm onto a winner to keep my New Years resolution that is to be intermediate level by the end of the year! I'm proud of myself so far!
i had had a lot going on this past year. I don't think life will ever stop getting busy. But there are ways of coping with it.
Everyone seems to be so good at telling you find coping strategies that will help you to find yourself and become at peace with yourself.
Some suggest cognitive behaviour therapy.
Others just tell you to let go of whatever is troubling you (like hmmm her great suggestion there. You've cured me of my anxiety or stress"
So I'm going to suggest some coping mechanisms that have helped me to feel grounded and centred. Now it doesn't mean I will have all my problems float away. The problems will still be there. But your mindset changes. And if your mindset changes then you can enable yourself to slow the thought process down, stop irrational thinking and poor rushed judgement calls in their tracks. And start to think and plan logically and calmly.
One of my favourite youtubers and yogis is a girl called Michelle (Bananablondie108 on YouTube) she is very good at providing practical advice on how to stay grounded and has a few videos on this kind of thing
I find that box breathing during meditation that Michelle talks about here is very helpful in focusing the mind on the here and now. Being present in this moment that you currently exist and breathe in.
I highly recommend it and am applying it to my life when I find things start to feel overwhelming and stressful.
The feeling and noticing your feet on the ground I apply this one to work when I'm rushed off my feet and am feeling the pressure or if something is annoying me. Or if a patient or someone's is shouting and yelling at me. I focus on my feet. I know that what they are saying is out of frustration and fear and helplessness. It isn't directly aimed at me per se. Allowing some moments while someone is giving you a hard time to surrender your thoughts to the soles of your feet will allow you to regain control of the adrenaline that wants to go into rage mode and flip the lid entirely. Now the adrenaline can still lurk about but the feeling of rage can fizzle out with these methods.
This is a fab and quick 10 minute video by Sarah Beth Yoga on YouTube for when you get home from a stressful day.
So here's what you do.
1) you've had an awful day. You're allowed to be annoyed, worried, upset, feeling emotions that you don't like. Accept that.
2) create a safe space in your house with a towel or yoga mat
3) complete this video
4) hop into the bath or shower, add some Epsom salts to relax and soak for 20-30mins
5) put the kettle on and make a nice warm drink for bed
6) put a dim light on, pjs if you haven't already, snuggle with a good book
7) fall asleep to a guided meditation on YouTube
You aren't gonna be cured if you suffer from chronic anxiety, stress and depression, particularly over night. But this will help to calm the mind, ease tension and bring stillness into those stressful moments. And even if you have this feeling for only a few seconds. It's a few more seconds than how you used to cope with stress. Well done :) with practice and regular meditation you will go so far!
Keep it up
I have started back to the gym after a year and a half of not going. Body culture shock to say the least. It's a brand new gym. I love going to the gym. But there are some things that reaaaallllllyy piss me off. So it's rant time
There wasn't so many at this gym but someone did dog whistle at me as I walked down the stairs. Makes me feel weird when someone does that. So if there are any guy gym goers reading this. Stop.
2) New Year Resolutioners
Or as I like to call it the "To do list of January week 1"
I arrived at the gym at 06:40 this morning, the place was pretty packed. I'm hoping that this settles cause I like to be pretty much on my own at the gym and thus leads me to my next point as to why I like to be alone at the gym
3) Roid Junkies
They may not necessarily be using them, but they take a lot of supplements like Whey protein (boke!) to try and bulk up. I've had it in the past where I try to use the weights and they flock around like vultures waiting for me to finish. I once had a guy approach me as I had just sat down to ask if I was done... I didn't let them intimidate me but I could see how it could intimidate some people.
This annoys me as it's this kind of attitude that makes women afraid to use the free weights. So I keep my head phones in at all times nearly. Just so no one approaches me. Good divert for pervs too.
4) The staff
Sometimes I get the vibe from staff at any gym I've been to that they are the elite. They are better than everyone else. Here's the thing son, and I'm gonna give you a PSA right now. The gym is essentially a business. You're goal should be customer care. Be approachable, helpful, ask how I'm getting on. Make the gym an experience that will make me want to come back. Bitch don't act like you are better than me. Cause at the end of the day, we are all gonna die anyway. So being friendly is not only enhancing your personality but it is also helping to provide a better service. Suck it up and be a better sales person. :D
5) The trashy music
Why. Can't. They. Just. Play good dance/electro music. Instead of crappy remixes and the shittier songs on the UK Top 40? Like why? It isn't hard. Please for the love of all things motivating. Music is gonna help pump people up and be psyched to be at the gym and ready to get those gains or lose those lb's!! I can come up with a playlist for you of amazing music to get people going! Please just stop with the nonsense music! Please!
Lol!! Guys don't forget to check out my youtube channel it's the same name as this blog Click this link to directly watch my videos.
I've had an amazing time in England with boyfriend. We just chilled out. Went to a Thai restaurant for NYE and enjoyed a cosy night in watching a documentary called cowspiracy. You can get it on Netflix. Go check it out now :)
Really opened my eyes to the dairy industry and meat industry.
We found a new restaurant that caters to vegans and vegetarians and omg it was beautiful!!! Am excited to go again! Ive uploaded a few videos and Kyle gave me a few tips on how to edit videos :)
So what are your goals for 2016?
Here's what I want to work on:
1) Find more time for me
I definitely don't do this enough and am sick of people telling me that work comes first and that's just life. No. Life is meant to be enjoyed and I don't feel like I'm making the most of it
Definitely got more ideas in the pipeline. Think I did pretty well this year :)
3) Further my Yoga practice
I'm aiming to be at intermediate level by the end of 2016! :)
4) Live in the now
Instead of saying "I can't wait for..." I'm gonna say "I'm excited to" because this I think is now being in the now friendly language :) as opposed to waiting for the future to happen. The future is now.
Any ways I gotta go as I'm boarding my flight soon
I am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :)