Yesterday I had a pretty down day. I honestly have no idea as to why. I just felt pretty "meh"
I had stuff I wanted to do and I got some of it done. I felt super tired when I woke up. (I wouldn't be the best morning person anyways to begin with) So Kyle gave me a caffeine tablet to try and perk me up a bit. Which to a certain extent helped. But after the gym I crashed and was like "ehhh nahhh I don't wanna move today". I went to the gym, I worked pretty hard but it exhausted me. So I did some light tidying. Hoovered the rest of the bloody pines from the stupid Christmas tree we bought off the floor (it's literally everywhere and won't lift) I practiced my forearm stands. I loaded the dishwasher and threw a load of washing into the washing machine. Then I collapsed in a heap on the sofa and binge watched Brooklyn 99 on Netflix. (My favourite show, especially when I'm feeling meh) I felt initial guilt because I didn't get everything done that I wanted to get done. There were even points when I was sitting on the sofa, thinking "I could be doing xyz right now" But then I realised that I wasn't physically ready to move today. I was drained emotionally too and I don't know why. I meditated for 22 mins to try and help me become more ok with me and how I'm feeling. (Brace yourself this might get confusing) It's ok to not be ok with where you're at. If you can't forgive yourself, or if you're frustrated because you feel a certain way and you don't want to. That's ok, be accepting of where you're at. Even if that means being accepting of the fact that you're not ok with not being ok. Does that make sense? Haha! I have the tendancy to want to be able to find out the reason behind feeling a certain way, correcting it and then moving on with my life and doing the rest of the things on my to do list. But as much as I searched I couldn't find any particular reason that I was feeling sad. Sometimes it's blatantly obvious why we feel sad, sometimes we can continue to feel sad because we can't quite see past it just yet. Sometimes we can see the reason and fix it and move on. And sometimes we just can't figure out why we are feeling a certain way. All of those things are ok. You're allowed to have off days. No matter how much self care you do. No matter how much yoga or meditation you do. No matter how mindful you try to be or how mindful people perceive you to be. Just because your mindful and whatever, doesn't mean you are superhuman. You're human, you have off days, you have days where everyone and everything pisses you off, with or without reason. Allow yourself permission to feel negative feelings, sometimes they just need to be let free :)
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If you're new to yoga or are thinking about taking it up but are intimidated by the thought of going to a class. (Like I was) Then keep reading this post. I thought I would compile a list of my favourite Youtube Yoga Instructors that I think are really easy to listen to, don't show off how bendy they are leaving you feeling bewildered and frustrated that you can't do the pose, and instead show you modifications that you can do in order to get the most out of each posture to get to the bendy wendy stage. :D I have been watching Sarah Beth on Youtube for a long time. In fact pretty much since I found out about yoga about 6 or 7 years ago. (I've been dabbling in yoga for 6 or 7 years, and practicing regularly for the last 2 years) She has a lot of variations for difficult poses that you can adopt if you are struggling which I think is fantastic! She explains everything very plainly and doesn't over complicate things which I think is fantastic. I originally followed PoleAsana (her name is Kimmy and she is so genuinely lovely) for as the name suggests, her amazing pole tricks and tutorials. She is also a yoga instructor and has recently started an instagram challenge called #IBendSoIDontBreak working on flexibility and in this particular video, the splits. She has a few videos and will have more as the month goes on about how to improve your posture in each pose and more videos on each flow she does. Definitely go check her out even if you are a beginner because she does walk you through each pose and how to do it. She also mentions about variations you can do until you are able to carry out the full pose. I have to admit that I am not a regular viewer of Adrienne however I will watch her videos and do yoga with her from time to time. She is extremely easy to listen to. She is very understanding of those who are new to yoga and doesn't beat around the bush with frilly language in how to get into the posture, she tells you how to do it in simple terms and gives you plenty of examples in how to carry out each posture if you are struggling as a beginner. I had heard of Eckhart Yoga before but never watched many of their videos until about 4 months ago when I started to practice my forearm stands. Very easy soothing voice but not fake or pretentious. She is very good at explaining how to carry out more advanced postures. And also has videos on flows and hatha practices for you to build up your strength with. Really good channel to follow from beginners to advanced. Hands down a great channel all round. :D
There you have it! Go and get stuck in with your yoga practice and thank me later :D
I've been posting a lot of stuff about mindfulness and meditation, but something that has been more of a consistent feature in my (mostly) daily life is yoga.
I love yoga, like a lot. I don't always practice every day. For the last two years I've been practicing more regularly. Which I think is a great thing. I've noticed my flexibility and balance improve a lot from practicing hatha yoga and flows. Which is amazing. In the last 3 or 4 months I've decided that I'd like to try and advance my practice further by incorporating more inversions and back bends. So whilst I use my hatha practice regularly still. I will normally finish my practice by honing in on postures like King Pigeon Pose, wheel pose, deepening my camel pose, forearm wheel pose, splits, and forearm stands. I've seen a lot of improvement in each of these postures
Even my bad side has come a long way!! Which I thought was never going to happen.
My splits is going to take some time and patience, it isn't great but it isn't bad either. I was practicing more before the wedding and was seeing some amazing results in a couple of months. Since I haven't been practicing my splits as often since I got married it has kind of relapsed a little bit.
But, I've been focusing more on my legs and my flexibility in my legs in recent days, joined a stretch class as part of the pole studio that I attend and even try to practice it against a wall, even in my forearm stands haha!
Granted these are somewhat more intermediate/advanced postures, I have noticed a lot of progress in different areas that I haven't quite been focusing as much on but are part of my regular practice and through practicing more advanced poses are helping me to perfect the "simpler" ones.
AND!!! Weirdly enough, King dancer isn't something I would ever really practice but have noticed since working on my back bends and more specifically king pigeon pose, that my flexibility in king dancer is getting much better!!
I've only ever been to 2 maybe 3 classes in my life. So for me to have progressed this much on my own is pretty impressive. Granted there are probably some postural areas that need some fine tuning or some work on. But that is where instagram comes in. I love to interact with like minded yogis who are able to help me improve my practice and help me to better my alignment with their advice. I just love it!
Sure it maybe isn't the same as a yoga instructor. But right now I don't have the money to go to regular yoga classes and pole classes. :) So I will stick to teaching myself for the time being :P A lot of people I know have varying opinions on New Year Resolutions. I have a "sit on the fence" approach with it. (As with most things, because nothing is ever black or white in life) Some people are all #NewYearNewMe which personally I find laughable, unless you truly mean it then sure, go on ahead. You do you, hun ;) Some people see that they wish to change their life and turn it around. Some maybe dramatically, some maybe take a more subtle approach. Some people aim to lose weight for the summer, because they want to look good in a bikini, or swim shorts or whatever. Some want to eat healthier because of the Christmas binge season, and just want to lose weight quickly. In this group of people, they tend to lose momentum due to lack of self discipline. They like the idea of change, they like the idea of being a better version of themselves. But they don't make realistic goals to make that change. Or they just like the idea of the change as opposed to putting in the required effort to see it through. A lot of people have been posting their views on Instagram and blogs about what they think about resolutions, and I find it interesting to read what others have to say about different opinions. Because life tip: It's good to listen to what others have to say, it can open your mind and horizons ;) Anyway, there seems to be a similar thought amongst a lot of people that "you are just fine the way you are. You don't need to change." I agree with the first part. You are just fine the way you are. Because I believe that you can lose all the weight in the world because you hate the way you look, but what happens when you get to your goal and you don't look like Naomi Campbell or Kate Moss. Sometimes you can still not be happy with how you look even if you have reached your goal. There isn't that self love there. I feel like the most effective way of "bettering" yourself using this example, is acknowledging who you are, loving yourself the way you are at the moment. With this self love, wanting to be a healthier version of yourself and making a decision to lose weight with goal in mind. Loving yourself throughout the journey and still loving yourself at the end of the journey. The love is there throughout the process. You WON'T love yourself more by becoming as skinny as <insert models name here>. Even if you did, you won't be satisfied, and will find something else to desire. They key is that loving and accepting yourself NOW, will allow you to see that there is only peace now. There isn't peace down the road, "if I do this, if I do that I will be happy" nothing will ever make you happy. It has to be from within. The advice on losing weight isn't aimed at people with eating disorders, because this is a very complicated mindset and mental health issue to overcome. I can appreciate how difficult a mindset it is to deal with on a daily basis. I'm talking about (using myself as an example here) normally being around 9 and a 1/2 stone mark (Which is healthy for my height) and putting on 2 stone in the space of 1 year because of your addiction to Bourneville chocolate (6 a day!!) and having two breakfasts every morning like a hobbit. That's my personal example. I wasn't eating healthily, I wasn't exercising enough. It was all pure comfort eating due to stress. So bare that in mind when reading this. The second thing I wanted to say about the sentence "you are just fine the way you are, you don't need to change" From a day to day perspective and an evolutionary point of view; Sometimes change is necessary. Whether we like it or not we all aim to better ourselves. Whether that is striving to become a solicitor some day. Pushing yourself to get ripped at the gym when you've been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes and wanting to change your health status. Making a change to leave an abusive relationship with someone or something. I could go on. This will all require a certain degree of effort more so than what you are currently exude. However it's important to love yourself where you're at. Even if you can't love yourself right now, accept that's where you're at for now. Think about how much you have changed in the last 6 months, a year, even years. Change happens due to circumstances. Change is necessary for growth. That said, I can understand the mindset of people who think that you are just fine the way you are. Because most people today are not accepting of themselves, and don't have any self love for themselves. So I can completely understand how this might be important for people to hear. It's never a cut and dry thing wanting to change. I have got a lot of silent followers on this blog who regularly read my posts and ramblings. So a happy new year to you all! I know I'm 11 days late in posting this. But sure better late than never.
This New Year we had a quiet night in, ordered a chinese, watche some shitty tv which we just ripped the piss out of cause it was funny. Drank some wine and called it a night. It was brilliant, to me it was a great way to spend NYE after the hype of Christmas. So in recent news in my life. I've been offered a new job. I start at the end of the month (yay for having an income again!) It is very different to what my previous job was. Previously I mostly worked in A&E settings, and don't get me wrong I love A&E. It will always be my first love of nursing. It was a complicated relationship between me and A&E, but it taught me to be stronger. Not to show all my cards at once, to look after myself mentally. I even loved the type of patients that we got in to the department. The craic was ninty with the staff and the buzz helped but the day in. I went into Nursing originally to become a midwife. And while this idea still is appealing to a certain extent. I have recently found my love for cancer patients and palliative care. Some people have told me I am very morbid for thinking of having a career in this area. But to me it is necessary. More and more people are being diagnosed with cancer every year. I feel like the treatment for cancer is changing and will continue to change and I would like to be around to witness this change occurring. I've been studying my ass off in the last couple of months all about cancer; and although I have a long way to go and a lot still yet to learn. I am generally excited to get started. I got my induction timetable at the start of the week and felt very overwhelmed with how jam packed it was. But I will just have to take it one step at a time, allow myself time to settle in, learn, meet new patients and new staff members. At the weekend I was at a really low point, I wasn't very well and you know how when you're not well physically it takes a toll mentally too? Well although I was physically sick for about 2 days. It has taken me a while to jump out of that mindset. In fact I haven't been feeling great mentally from being sick for about 5 days now. I woke up in the morning and felt like crying, for no reason. Just wanted to lie in bed. And sometimes there is a call to do this and let your body and mind rest. But yesterday I just felt like I needed to do something. So I forced myself to get up, open the windows make the bed, clean the kitchen counter top and then sat down to have breakfast. I just did little things at a time, then would take a little break. Because your mind has a way of telling your body to slow down sometimes too. I didn't feel like chatting, I didn't feel like being chirpy, I didn't really want to have banter. And that's ok, the thing is I knew what I wanted and didn't want. That's a good thing. I think the daily meditation has helped me to stay in tune with how I'm feeling. It's ok to feel shitty, you don't need to fix it. Just let it be for now. Sometimes that's so hard because even in our conversations with other people, if they ask how things have been with you. There is a tendency for them to respond with a solution when you tell them that you've been feeling pretty down recently. I can understand the reasoning behind this to be fair. People want to seem helpful, they don't like to talk about sad things. It's hard to talk about stuff that is hard to talk about. If this is you, that's ok, but always remember that sometimes a solution isn't needed but a listening ear. So don't be afraid of silence, just see what happens when you allow silence to enter the conversation. :3 I had an anxiety attack the other night for the first time in about 6 years.
Anxiety attacks come in different forms, it can be completely freezing, unable to move, colour draining from your face, sweating profusly. It can be completely withdrawing and unable to open your mouth. It can be your whole head feeling light and feeling your heart pounding in your head. I had the classic chest tightness, heart pounding, every time I exhaled I felt that I wouldn't be able to inhale again because the pain felt so heavy in my chest. Crying and feeling dizzy. I don't want to go into the ins and outs of why I took an anxiety attack. But what I will say is that it was the build up of the past year of planning a wedding, working my ass off, completely my nursing revalidation portfolio. Co-ordinating visits to see the boyfriend (now husband). Dealing with difficult situations. Then something happened the other day that came to a point in my mind that I couldn't do anything any more. It had been getting me down for a few days, losing sleep, napping during the day and waking up afterwards grumpy and irritable. I spoke with hubby about it and we chatted about how I was feeling and that is when it happened. Kyle was amazing about it, he just cuddled me and told me that it's ok to feel anxious and just let it out. I feel really uncomfortable writing this because it is exposing my vulnerability. The truth is that we are all vulnerable and have been taught to hide it. Something I realised during this, was that I felt angry at myself for feeling anxious. Which if you don't allow yourself to feel something without restraint it only causes you to stay stuck and not healthily process what it is that you're trying to express emotionally. If you're family tells you as a child not to be or act a certain way, you're more likely to do it. Not necessarily out of an act of rebellion in the way that you might think, but in a "but this is what I want to do" or "this is how I feel" etc. Then later in life you find yourself hating those parts of you or trying to convince yourself that you need to let go of those bad traits that you have. You're essentially doing the thing that you're parents were doing by telling you not to behave or be a certain way. That's what I realised when I spoke to Kyle about this. It's so important to just feel the feelings that you have bubbling, don't try to change them or manipulate them. Just feel them and let them serve their purpose at the time. Because when you start trying to change yourself, then that's when you start finding that you can't move forward. I found this Buddhist Prayer that I thought tied in extremely accurately with what I'm saying and summarises it quite well. I'll be honest. I don't really feel like writing today, I have a cold and feel a bit like I should just sit and feel sorry for myself haha! But I will because there is a small part of me that wants to.
I have been meditating for 20 mins daily for the last nearly 40 days. Which is pretty huge for me because normally I dabble in meditation. Especially when I lived in Northern Ireland. I always gave myself too much to do, visiting people, working, taking on extra shifts, planning a wedding, visiting now husband/then boyfriend. So I only meditated when I felt overwhelmed or if I actually made time for it. Now I'm married and settling in to life in England, I'm getting myself into some really good habits, it was initially in order to help me improve and become a better person. But now I'm realising that it's helping me to become more at one and at peace with myself. Now how "hippy like" can ya get?! Haha! What I mean is, I have realised how many attachments I have had to various people and things in life. Anxious habits that I've accumulated and anxious mindsets that I had accepted as "me" but hadn't looked into or investigated why I do them or what causes them. I think it's ok to have attachments to some things from time to time. Humans create bonds with things, people and other beings. However I've now realised that it's when you feel that you cannot live without these bonds and attachments that problems arise. Appreciation for what you have and for what you call comforts, luxuries are great. But when they become unhealthy necessities, then it's time to re-evaluate priorities. Why do you need a certain person? Why do you need the approval of others? Why can't you make a decision yourself? Why do you need to comfort eat? What are you suppressing? There is a real freedom in letting go of those attachments, and even if you cannot let go of those attachments. There is a real sense of freedom in accepting and acknowledging that this is where you are at this stage. Don't get frustrated at your inability to let go of something because that only adds fuel to the fire. Look at your attitude towards the issue that you feel you have. Sometimes you need to delve deep within yourself, sometimes even to the dark corners of your mind that you've been purposefully neglecting and brushing under the carpet. Even if you can't, forgive yourself and just watch the journey unfold. Accepting yourself wholly, accepting the things that you love about yourself, accepting the traits that you absolutely wish you could change in a heart beat. Get on your own team. Have you ever tried the Irish Delicacy that is "Potato Bread"? Well if you haven't, you have never lived. It is THE best thing since sliced bread. Literally!! Since I moved to England a month ago, I very quickly realized that they don't sell potato bread here. My heart was broken. So I decided to learn how to make my own. Through trial and error I've now mastered it! So you can try this yourself and see how you like potato bread and you can thank me later. Haha! You will need: - 4 potatoes - 130g of self raising flower - a table spoon of salt - 55g Pure Olive butter or any dairy free butter of your choice. - Olive oil - Soya Single Cream *Optional* Step 1: Boil 4 potatoes, how do you know if they're done? boil them until you can poke a fork or a skewer into the middle of it easily and it's nice and soft. Step 2, next you're gonna want to mash the potatoes Step 3: You want to add the self raising flour to the mashed potatoes and mix it in well until it looks like this. The ideal look is for it to be very thick. Step 4: Dust your surface with flour Step 5: Knead your dough gentlly and roll out using a rolling pin to about 1cm thick. (I did not have a rolling pin, so I used another cutting board haha! Step 6: Cut your dough into triangles (the reason we want the dough to be thick is so that it peels off the surface easier) Step 7: Oil the pan with the olive oil on a high heat. Throw (not literally) your dough into the pan when it is hot, turn down slightly to a medium-hot heat. Allow 3 mins MAX for each side until golden brown. And finally Bon appetite :) :D Let me know if you've tried it, what you think (of course you'll love it. Sure who doesn't love tatty bread!) and if you had to tweak your recipe at all. :D
Invitations are normally sent out approximately 6 weeks before the set date.
Save the dates are good reminders to send out to anyone really in order for them to know when to keep free for your big day. I learned this the hard way, some family members couldn't go to my wedding because I thought I would save a pretty penny by just using "word of mouth". Except I forgot to tell some people and assumed word would travel round. It did not. So I'd advise you get you some save the date cards in order to prevent this issue from arising. You can spend as little or as much as you wish for your invitations and save the date cards. If you have a company in mind. Be sure to ask for a quote for a certain number of guests. (Always order a few more encase any get lost in the post or you miscalculate, more is better than less in this case) Kyle and I went with Vista Print. (No this blog post isn't sponsored by them btw. LOL!) We thought the designs were nice and we chose ones that were not too fussy (but they also have fussy ones if that's what you're into). All you need to do is chose your design, then CAREFULLY... enter your details, i.e Brides name, Grooms name, Date, Time, Location, and Location of reception if different, Who and when to RSVP to/by. I'd always suggest you get someone to proof read your invitation i.e your other half as an extra pair of eyes, they might spot something you've missed, like typos, something out of alignment etc. Then go to google and type "vista print promo codes" and chose your discount code. (You're so welcome) We got ours for about £10! And guess what??... They turned out gorgeous!!! Which is totally ridiculous compared to the hundreds that some people pay out for invitations alone. Just goes to show you don't have to spend a s&*# tonne in order to have gorgeous things. So click the link below to start looking at their wedding invitations Let's just make one thing clear. It doesn't matter who says to you or where you read otherwise... Weddings. Don't. Have. To. Be. Expensive. People will say "you get what you pay for" and there is truth in that to a certain extent. However, you can be smart about it. The key phrase you will hear me say throughout these blog posts is to "shop around". You won't regret it. Wedding planning can seem really daunting when you are first starting out. You can hire a professional wedding planner if you wish. But personally speaking, I'd rather cut my costs and cut out the middle man if you are wishing to save money. It can be broken down into a few stages: 1) Venue - this is the biggest part to look into 2) Catering - unless covered by the venue 3) Dresses and suits 4) Flowers 5) Hair and makeup 6) Photography 7) Videography 8) Decor - unless covered by the venue Today I'm gonna talk dresses. You may be surprised to hear that a lot of high street stores have their own bridal ranges. Before you roll your eyes at your screen, here me out. Yes, some of them are shite. Not gonna lie (trial and error experience talking here). BUT some of them are amazing! My personal favourite is: I can appreciate that everyone has differences in opinion when it comes to style. Little Black Dress I can assure you accommodates to most style tastes! And there was you thinking that they only sold black dresses... ;) They are reasonably priced (and I mean REALLY reasonable) the quality of material is second to none. With my dress there was no noisy russling, there was no cheap look to it. It was just perfect. LBD dresses are high quality and without the high price tag. Highly recommend LBD for their stunning collection of bridesmaids dresses as well! Their dresses are just fabulous! LBD are renound for the style in dresses, the high quality and the head turning effect they have on people. The priceses are ridiculously affordable. Debenhams have some absolutely gorgeous dresses, slighlty more pricey, but compared to forking out £1000's on a dress, you're looking at maybe £450 for a dress, which is still absolutely amazing for the quality that they produce. Thank me later, beautiful. I got my bridesmaids dresses from Debenhams, they were perfect for our winter wedding, these ones were good thick material, flattering to most figures, stunning colour and just beautiful on each of my bridesmaids. The dresses for bridesmaids are a seriously good deal. And keep an eye out for any sales they have. Dorothy Perkins this year, jumped on the bandwagon and launched their own bridal range. I haven't seen any of their bridal dresses first hand, however these ones look absolutely beautiful if you like, simple elegant style dresses and cocktail style dresses. These dresses look absolutely beautiful and they even have long sleeved ones if you are having a winter wedding. They even have some gorgeous bridal accessories, shoes, jewelry etc. So definitely don't rule out DP. As for their Bridesmaid range, they have a variety of colours, styles and shades. The prices are a steal! As for suits, Debenhams do a great deal on rentals for some brands and in store purchases. Their prices are excellent, the standard of quality is excellent and the variety is excellent! Definitely shop around for men's suits. My husband went for Mark Darcy, I had never heard of them but Kyle managed to get a seriously good deal on his suit and 3 grooms men. Let me tell you, they are good!! Just be sure to get your sizes correctly. Kyle ran into a little bother with the size of suits. As it turns out, some manufacturers sizes vary. In one shop you might be one size and in another you might be something entirely different. So always keep that in mind when purchasing suits online. Be sure to give yourself plenty of time in order for returns and exchanges. The delivery was exceptional and we couldn't have asked for better. As for ties and pocket squares, a simple amazon/ebay search and Kyle got each tie for like a fiver a piece. Places and things I would personally avoid?
ASOS... their suits and dresses are shockingly bad quality. I must have tried I don't know how many dresses for my bridesmaids and they were sub par. Don't get me wrong I love a good deal on ASOS for casual wear or a nice cocktail dress, but that is as far as it goes for me. Don't make any purchases from China (always check seller details if you're buying online), the reasons being; 1) everyone knows that sometimes what you order online doesn't always arrive the way you imagined it would look, especially if it is a knock off item. The sizes can also vary. 2) It can easily take a month or more for the item to arrive. I have ordered things online before, not realizing they came from China two years ago for Christmas gifts... I'm still waiting for them to arrive... So learn from my mistakes. Haha! Go for reputable brands and stores that you have heard of or been in store yourself. Notice that all the brands I have listed here are in the UK. That is on purpose. Because it means that the chances of delivery being delayed are slim and the returns and exchanges policies are legit. Mens Shoes... here's a website that does comfortable shoes that aren't made with animal ingredients :) |
AuthorI am a 25 year old nurse, who is trying to find herself. This blog will contain epiphanies I have, my yoga progress and other such things. Enjoy. :) Archives
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